"Honest doubt as a form of Faith."

What is there left to live for? Worst day ever.

-Sean (Lowest Common Denominator)

P.S. Shiders are no longer scary, just dumb.

Be there before 8.

Heavy Metal Mullet is playing too.

L&S,
Sean

P.S. Thanks Stein.

Well well Live Journal or is it LJ? I dunno these days... it's been such a damn long time since we last spoke.

First I'd like to say, "Fuck the haters." Alright, moving on.

It's a little after 8:30 in the morning and I'm hiding out in the back office of The Tav. A portion of my week now involves waking up to the mildly annoying alarm on my phone, trying to not wake Jen (which I've learned is an easy task), and trudging down some cold alleys to my place of employment. After a year and a half of working at The Tav I've gone from feeling like a student that works too much and now feel like a worker who is gradually getting dumber. Great, huh?

I've partially reverted back to my early high school days: being stuck somewhere I don't want to be for 5-7 hours, going home and playing videogames, then only having two days off to truely do what I want. I guess you could call this a rut, but I'm not feeling down or hating myself. Seems like I just need to rearrange my priorities and add a little bit of this and a little bit of that into the mix.

I now sit in this cluttered office and wonder to myself, "Why am I writing this?" Anyone who may read this I either see on a daily basis or don't talk to anymore. Kinda funny how times change.

Let's keep this positive, because I always complain about how LJ is just a means for people to bitch... and I hate bitching.

Question: What have you been listening to lately on your headphones, computer, tapedeck, or whatever?

I'll go first: Bane, Mountain Goats, and Trap Them.

L&S,
Sean

( Like I explained in my last entry I would like to use this journal for more of my honest writings and not just stupid bitching and whatnot, so here's the first. FYI: most of my subject headers are just lyrics from whatever band I'm currently listening to, so this headliner was the inspiration for the little story here. Enjoy. )

What's there to say now?

I've been writing more lately. I have Advance Creative Non-Fiction once a week for three hours and it's getting me back into the shit I really wanna do. I'm not so sure about non-fiction in general, but I'm stoked to be back into short stories. I think I'm gonna start using this "journal" to post my actual stories and not random updates on my life that not even I really care about.

The bills have been piling up (of course) and it looks like I need to start selling some shit, working more, or not spending cash on stupid crap so often. I also need to do my taxes ASAP, because the possibility of $516 back my way is a very good thing, even though I'll probably spend it on a new tattoo.

Elliott helped me out with my CAPS report and I realized I have 36 credits left until I'm out of here and that I also have my minor in creative writing. Man, that's silly. So it's looking like two stressful quarters or three semi-stressful quarters in my future. Woo-hoo?

L&S,
Sean

P.S. How is everyone else?

It is a new year.

Like usual, everything is different.

I'd like to hear from everyone concerning what they're excited for, scared of, and planning on for 2008 before I reveal mine.

Eh?

L&S,
Sean

I'm currently watching the tail-end of "The Hunger," which is a vampire movie starring David Bowie and Susan Sarandon. Oh... how silly the 80's were.

Thanksgiving has now passed, which means the epic game of Trivial Pursuit that the family plays every year is over with, the leftovers are waiting in the fridge to be raided in the early morning hours, and - of course - I'm the only one up. This holiday would be a lot better if I didn't have to ride in the back of a truck for five hours, so as to be on time for work, which is gonna be slow all day, because everyone is staying in with their families eating cold turkey sandwiches, instead of burgers and fries at The Tav. Ho hum...

Well, I guess I'll get to the real subject at hand: I haven't been enjoying drinking that much lately. It's weird, but the need for a stiff drink or a cold beer always appeals to me, but in the last few weeks it hasn't. When I do put a few drinks down and my intention is to get drunk, I just don't feel well. The first drink or two take the edge off and I like that, but anything more than that I don't enjoy one bit. For the first time in a long while I hope this continues, because I honestly have better things to do then blow my money at the bars, forget half the things I do at night, or wake up feeling like shit.

This school year has started off a Hell of a lot different than last year. Is it better? No. Worse? Not at all... just different.

L&S,
Sean

You ever listen to a band, fall for them so much, but figure you'll be sick of them in less than a month? That's what I figured when I first got into Minus the Bear. They soundtrack so many highs and lows in my life, but I had this feeling that'd I be over them in quick fashion.

I first heard them in high school, then really got into them about two years ago. One of their albums put me to sleep for nearly a year straight. They rang through my headphones as I traversed all over Europe more than a year ago. I've had sex numerous times while their music pumps out of my computer speakers. Their instruments thump in unison to my footsteps day after day as I walk to class.

I will never be sick of this band.

That makes me really happy.

L&S,
Sean

To continue from my last post with more Assailant chatter: I finally scored some of their albums that aren't just their early demos. Jesus... why did I have to miss their last show?

The last few days have felt like high school to me in the raddest ways possible: lounging around on friends floors and watching movies, smoking pot and eating way too much food, staying up late and just acting stupid, and then waking up on a friends couch which turns into being tired the whole next day during school. It's fun.

I'm thinking about going as Steve Zissou for Halloween. All I need is the red beanie, somone to stitch a white "Z" into my Naval sweater, and maybe a toy glock with thigh holster. My beard is coming back into its fullness, so if I could just use some dye to give it a little bit of age, shit, I'd be set. If someone could roll me some joints too, well, that'd be splendid.

All Freakin' Night is coming up very quickly (November 11th) and Fright Night is getting shown this year. I haven't seen that movie for years, but God damn if I'm not excited. 30 Days of Night comes out next week also, which is giving me the biggest nerd chubby in the world. Get stoked.

L&S,
Sean

P.S. I also missed Turbonegro last night due to money issues. That one sucks too.

Let's just get a few things out of the way: I can barely pay the bills, I'm not minding the changes in weather/seasons, I'm more than happy with where I'm living, I'm still pissed I missed The Assailiant's last show, I hope to have some shows at the house soon, and I wanna repair some friendships that have slipped away from me.

Now that I got that out, I am completely at a lose for words when it comes to women. I mean, obviously I'm not gonna know what the Hell women are thinking or how to go about with my intentions towards them (and theirs towards me), because I'm a man and our brains have mental blocks that hinder us from ever grasping anything more than 7% of this concept which we label as "female," but God damn... WTF mate?

I dunno what it is these days, but I'm getting to this point where I want to have something stable or nothing at all... honest. Thank God I have enough things to fill my time so I'm not racking my brain over thoughts like this, otherwise I'd be drinking for more pathetic reasons than I already do.

Well, an attractive dude-man just told me I have really nice eyes, so I guess there's always that "option," but he's got a girlfriend. Just my luck I guess.

-Sean

Revelations from my last couple days in Seattle:

* "Suckfun" is the new term for "blowjob."
* Tattoos are way more fun when you get them with friends (especially if they are of your friends).
* I am now required to go on tour with Season of Nightmares.
* There are way too many cute girls in the world and I don't have enough time on my hands to meet them all.
* Security at the el Corazon hates High Life and Pabst (apparently).
* Jooze needs to make the leap to Ellensburg beer aisles.

There's more, I'm sure, so I'll get back to you.

-Sean

So, I've pondered over some of the worst things in the world: war, famine, and shit like that. Yeah, it sucks, but you know what else sucks? You put a pizza in the oven, wait the 12-15 minutes for your delicious treat, pull the pizza out after said time is over, and what can't you find? A GOD DAMN PIZZA CUTTER! I hate using knives to cut pizza.

On a more important note: my Dad's surgery went great. The operation took four hours or so, they shipped him over to ICU, gave him a day to recoop, and he is already back home in Rainier. It fucking baffles my mind that with modern technology some doctors can poke and prod around in someones brain, fix whatever the problem is, and then have 'um home for dinner the next day. Insane.

The worst thing in the hospital was when I woke up from a nap with a headache. I tried to fight through it, but the damn thing wouldn't subside. So, I go to the nurses station and ask for some aspirin or something on that level. What was their response? "I'm sorry, we can't give that out. You could go downstairs to the prescriptions and buy a bottle." I'm in a God damn hospital and I can't get a handout of headache relief. Christ.

Well, I'm back in Olympia and I've already eaten at Old School, drank in about every bar, slept in Monkae's bed with him next to me trying to snuggle, brown-bagged with some randoms on a footpath, watched a shitty movie (DO NOT SEE THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2), went to Olympic Comics and Cards, making plans to get tattooed, frequented the Shell station way too much, and took a nap with my cat. So far I've been pretty productive I think.

Oh yeah:



There's no excuse why you shouldn't go to this.

-Sean

P.S. I'm listening to the new Minus the Bear, eating pizza, and being very happy.

It's nearly nine in the morning.

I've been at work for nearly an hour.

Four hours of sleep is not cutting it.

The pool tables aren't very comfortable for sleeping.

My hands are covered in bacon grease.

It's gonna be a long day, but hopefully not a shitty night.

-Sean

Jeff died almost two years ago from today. Two fucking years. So much has happened since then and yet it still seems like something I struggle with through and through.

I miss him.

I miss Olympia.

I miss the way a lot of things used to be.

I'm almost through with school and I'm enjoying mostly everything that's happening in my life. I may not be doing all the things I wish I could be doing, but I have no need to complain.

I love my friends.

I love Ellensburg.

I love all the options constantly presented to me.

Love & Shit,
Sean

DO IT!

-Sean

I bitch about Ellensburg a lot, as do a lot of people. It's not Seattle, blah blah blah, it's no Olympia (two years ago), blah blah blah, but I've finally realized it doesn't matter where you live, just the company you keep.

I could be living a bad day in Bosnia, but as long as I had the people who have been making my late nights and early mornings as amazing as they have been, fuck it, keep droppin' bombs.

What this comes down to is that I'm beyond happy with how my days have been spent, which is nothing more than one giant hangout. I can't stop laughing, I can't stop smiling, but I have stopped sleeping. Whatever, it's cool.

-Sean

So that whole "Hindenburg ass-fucking the Titantic" deal I was talking about a day or so back... looks like it happened.

I was on the phone with Kris today and we were chatting about two good friends of ours that are getting married. At our age it seems silly for people to be getting married, but these two kids are so retardedly meant for each other that it almost makes me sick. Honestly, they are gonna have the cutest God damn kids ever.

Anyway, in the midst of this conversation we semi-joked about our love lives and how they are such a mish-mash of ridiculous shit that either turn out alright or completely shitty, yet we have two friends that fit together like those stupid broken heart BFF necklaces. I started thinking to myself, "Where do I go wrong?" My next thought was, "Am I going wrong?" And then my final thought was, "Ah fuck it."

I thought I had some conclusion to all of this, but I now realize that I don't.

-Sean

Finally gave Grinderman a chance and wowie-wee-wow... real good shit; Nick Cave is such an amazing man.

Lately I'm beyond exhausted, but I just keep on trucking. 30+ hours a week and now summer classes. I'm enjoying the fact that I'm busy, but my back and brain aren't enjoying it too much. There is also the late nights with beer upon beers and good friends. I'm trying not to complain, but I'd like a break from Ellensburg or at least a week off from work.

I'm kinda caught in the middle of some things right now that are either going to be awesome or something resembling the Hindenburg ass-fucking the Titantic. Jesus Crust...

I feel a nap coming on before work.

-Sean

Whoa... what? Yeah, that's what I thought.

I'm currently making much more money than I know what to do with right now and majority of my expensives involve beer, comics, and rent.

The school quarter is over, but of course I haven't turned in any of my final papers yet (the beauty of being an English major: lying and it works).

We're moving out soon (tear), but I should be moving into some place almost as cool where I can still put on shows.

I'm reading through The Beach by Alex Garland and I can't put the damn thing down.

Rachel threw a condom full of water at Shannon last night; it made the night complete.

There needs to be more beers floating around in my bathtub right now.

R-A-D-I-C-A-L is a great word.

-Sean

Sometimes you have those nights... you know? The pieces are fitting together so well and all you have to do is drink your drink, keep on smiling (and mean it), while fate lingers. Yet somewhere in the mixing pot of life an ingredient is added or neglected, so when you sample the stew, well, you just wanna spit it back out; I'm having that kind of evening.

I'm still happy, but my eyes are a little red.

-Sean

P.S. I've been finding out that people I rarely socialize with have this INCREDIBLE urge to discuss me in a poor light amongst others. Just quit it.